Overcoming Conflict using Nonviolent Communication and Gerber's 3R's

Week 5 Blog Assignment: Overcoming conflict

We were asked to share about a conflict we are currently experiencing at work and what strategies we have learned this week that might help manage or resolve the conflict. 

I am not personally having a conflict with my supervisor or coworker, but I have had the opportunity to coach one of my employees (I will call her Ann) through a conflict with her co-teacher (I will call her Sally) this week using some of the NVC and 3R’s concepts.  Ann came to me with a frustration that her co-teacher, Sally, was acting very overwhelmed in the classroom and has been “short” with her.  Ann had asked Sally to have a discussion about a classroom concern, but Sally abruptly told Ann that she did not have the time to discuss the concern with her and they would need to talk about it later.  Ann thought the concern was important and needed to be addressed immediately.

First, I asked Ann to assume positive intent of Sally and look at things through Sally’s perspective (her “motivation for action”).  I had Ann clarify what she felt could have motivated Sally to be “short” with her in the moment, rather than jump to the conclusion that Sally was frustrated or mad at Ann.  Ann acknowledged that Sally was busy trying to get lunch out for the children and that Sally was indeed too busy to talk at that moment.  Knowing both Sally and Ann’s personalities, I understand Sally to be a very caring coworker who does not brush off others.  She is usually very receptive to the needs of others, but in that moment, the children needed to have lunch and it was not the time to discuss a concern in the classroom.  Therefore, I suggested to Ann that when Sally appears to be overwhelmed, she could ask Sally, “How can I help you?”  I also suggested that Ann and Sally take the time to share with each other their priorities for the day or during particular moments, so they can better support one another.

Later that day, Sally came in my office and told me how much she appreciated whatever I had said to Ann earlier that day, because Ann was asking Sally how she could help her and they were able to have a very respectful discussion on what each other’s priorities are.  I checked in separately with both Sally and Ann later in the week, and they have been able to maintain a very productive and mutually supportive work relationship. 

Intermountain Healthcare, the organization I work for, has very high expectations for employees to live by “Healing Commitments” that are very similar to concepts of Nonviolent Communication and Gerber’s 3R’s.  These relationship commitments include:

            1. I will help you feel safe, welcome and at ease.

            2. I will treat you with respect and compassion.

            3. I will take responsibility to solve problems.

            4. I will assume good intent.

            5. I will work as a team.

            6. I will keep you informed and involved.

            7. I will do my best at all times and look for ways to do better.

These commitments have helped our Child Development Center team exhibit very high standards in terms of how we treat our coworkers, families and children.  Sometimes, as in the case of Ann and Sally, we have hiccups that need to be addressed, but these are usually minor and can be resolved by being mindful of others’ perspectives and in listening to their “human needs” as well as communicating our own needs and perspectives.