This week we were asked to take three assessments
that measured our personal communication anxiety, verbal aggressiveness and
listening style. In addition, we were
asked to have two others take the same assessments regarding their perceptions
of our communication ability. I chose my
husband, James, and my work colleague, Mindy, to evaluate my communication
using the same measuring tools. I was
surprised and pleased to learn that James and Mindy scored me very similar to
how I perceive myself in all areas. Their
scores indicate that my generalized communication skills are consistent in my
work and home environments. However, consistency
or a particular style may not always be what is needed to be a competent
communicator. Communication is so
dynamic and fluid based on contextual situations and relationships that it is
hard to pinpoint an exact preferred personal style. Rather, O’Hair & Wiemann (2012) state, “Competent
communication is about figuring out the most effective and appropriate way of
interacting in a given situation” (pp. 116-117).
I know that I am not the exact same
person at work as I am at home. I
communicate differently in different situations. In my Listening Styles Profile, I scored as
being “people-oriented,” which is where I figured I would be. However, as I read the descriptions of the
other listening styles, I also realized that aspects of all listening styles
would be beneficial and appropriate in different contexts. O’Hair & Wiemann (2012) state, “While
some people show a clear preference for one style over another, about 40
percent of people score high on two or more listening styles, adapting their listening
styles to different situations” (p. 161).
This insight has caused me to want to increase my action-oriented style
as an early childhood leader, because I spend a lot of time in my workday
listening to employee’s personal relationship issues and concerns rather than getting
other important tasks accomplished. I
feel that in order to keep professional meetings on-task, I need to set better
time parameters and outline a plan of action.
My husband, James, scored me slightly
higher on my verbal aggression than I perceive myself or my work colleague
scored me. I realize that I am much more
unfiltered around my husband and probably express my anger and frustration to
him and my family more than I would in a work context where I am more guarded
and professional. I find myself being
more thoughtful before speaking in my work context. While I never want to intentionally hurt the
ones I love the most, I find myself venting my anger more quickly and
frequently around my family than with my colleagues and friends. I would like to actually be more in the “Low
Level” of aggressiveness with my family, being respectful of their viewpoints
while persuading gently and with great compassion and love.
Resources
O’Hair,
D. & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real
communication: An introduction. Boston, MA:
Bedford/St. Martin’s.
Collett,
ReplyDeleteI, too, enjoyed seeing the different areas of listening and realized that there are applicable skills in the four different areas that could be helpful to me when I listen to others.
My husband also evaluated me as being more aggressive than the other two evaluations. I agree, it may be that he is who I mostly vent to, and he is aware of all of my communications with everyone. It helped me to realize that I can be more cautious with being verbally aggressive, and make sure that I don't attack people, but issues.
Thanks!
Collett,
ReplyDeleteI too was scored very similar by my friend and coworker. I feel that I am more censored at work than I am around my friends. I agree that we all probably scored more aggressive than we would have liked from a personal stand point. I feel that we are more comfortable with our family and friends and feel that we can speak out however we feel, with love and respect of course!
Great post!
Eileen
Hi Collett,
ReplyDeleteIt's funny that your husband scored you higher that you scored yourself for verbal aggressiveness as that is exactly what happened when I compared my results to what my husband perceived me as. I wish I was on the low level with my family also, it is definitely something we can start to work towards! Thank you for sharing your insights.
Collett, I really enjoyed reading your post. I think that whenever we are around someone that we know we seem to be more comfortable which means that we will not use a filter. However, I understand we could switch it on and off in different situations we are put into. I think you did a good job and I look forward to reading more of your post.
ReplyDeleteHi Collett, it amazed me when I read your blog and noticed that you and I both scored about the same in one of the assessment test. The assessment test was the listening styles. We both turned out to be people oriented and I think that is good because we seem to make sure we listen to others and keep their feelings in mind when we speak to them. Good job on your blog and I really enjoyed reading it. Thanks for all of your insightful information that you shared with us.
ReplyDeleteCollett,
ReplyDeleteI had to chuckle reading about your verbal aggression according to your husband's assessment of you! I was a bit worried about that one myself! I am in a similar situation as you in that I find that I am probably more verbally aggressive around him than anyone else. He can take it! Thankfully, his and my score in that area weren't *too* far off.
Lisa