This week we were asked to observe
our own and other’s verbal interactions and detect examples of
microaggressions, which Dr. Derald Wing Sue describe as words or actions that
create feelings of uncertainty, inferiority or marginalization. I realize that microaggressive comments are
much more common than I originally thought.
Though I did not observe these comments in reference to race, I did hear
two that I could easily relate with and that I have had personal experience
with in the past.
Both of these two comments took
place in my early childhood center work environment. The first comment happened in response to
posted scores for a recent team competition.
I overheard a female co-worker greet the week’s high scorer with: “Oh
look at Miss Perfect Score!” (very snide and flippant). Two interesting things happened as a result
of this comment: The receiver apologized and
felt the need to explain how hard she worked to get the score; and in response
to another teacher looking started at the comment, the first co-worker realized
how her comment came across and went to apologize to the receiver of the
comment. This interaction resonated
deeply with me, because I have always been a self-driven high achiever who
always tries to do my best in my schoolwork and job assignments. In high school, I often had people tease me
and make comments about me always having to get straight A’s. I too have felt the need to apologize for my
scores and sometimes didn’t try as hard because I didn’t want others to make
fun of me. I have a hard time with
people publicly recognizing me for my achievements because I don’t want the
scrutiny of others. My husband shared a
similar experience with me about his brother, who was an athlete, very popular,
and extremely smart but started getting D’s and F’s because his football
buddies always made fun of his A’s. He
barely graduated high school because of these negative comments towards him.
The second microaggressive comment
I overheard at work was during a conversation about movies. A group of teachers were discussing an 80’s
movie and a younger teacher commented that she had never heard of it. A coworker asked her how old she is and she
said, “26.” To which the coworker
replied, “You are just a baby!” This
took place in a casual conversation with no malice intended, but the younger
teacher was excluded from the continued topic of conversation. I wonder how many times I have
unintentionally excluded others from my conversations due to my view that they
are too young or old. Do they perceive
this exclusion as me thinking they are not capable or that I can not associate
with them on a personal level because our difference in age? I know I have been made to feel this way at
times.
This week’s learning about
microaggressions has instilled a greater awareness of my own words and
actions. I will strive harder to be more
mindful and respective of others moving forward, and follow the advice of Thumper
in Disney’s Bambi…
“If you can’t say something nice,
don’t say nothing at all!”
Hi Collett,
ReplyDeleteI truly like the two scenarios that you have post to your blog. Indeed they depict microaggressions. This week's readings have totally transformed our lives and the manner in which we speak and act around others. I also like the quote that you have used at the end of your blog.
Collett,
ReplyDeleteI can relate to both your examples in some ways. While in school, I too was very focused on following rules and doing things right. When I received good scores or was recognized by teachers for my performance I was called a nerd by my classmates which I became very conscious about. To this day, I have others joke about my level of organization and attention to detail to which I often feel I have to apologize! I can very well relate to your co-worker.
I can also relate to the second instance. Being raised in Sri Lanka, I was not exposed to the same TV shows, music, games etc. my American colleagues grew up with. There have been many times when they would begin talking about something and noticing the puzzled look on face wonder how I could possibly not know what they are talking about. I remind them that I had different childhood experiences. I immediately feel excluded. Reflecting on these moments makes me realize how important it is for me to take care that my words will never leave someone else feeling hurt or excluded in the same way.
Hi Collett,
ReplyDeleteI can relate to your first example. In New Zealand this is called the tall poppy syndrome where when people are achieving their goals and are successful they are sometimes seen as standing too tall or proud by others who are not having the same success. There is also a similar concept in Japan with the saying that 'the nail that sticks out will get hammered down'.
It is so important to think before we speak, and consider the consequences of our words on others. I hope that you continue to be successful in everything you do!
Hello Collett,
ReplyDeleteIt is sad that children have to be a shamed to let their success shine because of what others may say. I hope that this change one day and children can be successful and celebrated without having to hide it.
Nice Post! Pam